Going through a divorce can be a very difficult and emotionally draining situation however, you need to take time to think before you take action and do something that may complicate your divorce or be used against you in court.
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Divorce Problems
Divorce problems are issues associated with and potentially a result of a divorce proceeding which can and should be avoided. This includes filing for a restraining order, taking actions which affects the children, and jeopardize community property. Your divorce will create enough stress and you should avoid creating other divorce problems.
Antagonizing a Fight
Other divorce problems can begin when one spouse threatens the other spouse. There are those spouses who will intentionally attempt to start a fight with the hopes that the other spouse will become upset and either hit them or make threatening remarks. Should this happen, the instigating spouse’s next step will, most likely be, to see an attorney about a restraining order. A restraining order can not only get you removed from the house but may affect your employment. Even the most innocent acts, such as repeatedly calling your spouse could garner a restraining order. Once you embark on divorce, it is best to have your attorney make contact with your spouse. Not only will this insulate you from an allegation, it will allow both parties to proceed in a rational, adult-like manner.
I Found Out Online
Other divorce problems are created when one spouse posts online comments about your latest adventures or shows pictures of their new fling. Anything you put on Facebook or Twitter is evidence that can be used against you in court. Something the most innocent postings could be used against you. You don’t have to deactivate your account, just play it smart and, when in doubt, don’t update your status.
Flaunting a New Fling
Getting into a relationship after you’ve decided to get a divorce isn’t a bad thing, but don’t parade your new relationship around. Flaunting your new mate will likely upset your former spouse and may cause them to take steps that may create other divorce problem which may increase the cost of your divorce. A wedding ring will probably cause you, or your attorney, to be served with a discovery request. An outing with your new partner and your child may end-up in a request for custody modification due to parent alienation. Wait until your divorce is final before you show-off your new partner to avoid adding any unnecessary fuel to the fire.
Jumping into a Rebound Relationship
Divorce is one of the most stressful and isolating experiences you could ever go through. Avoid succumbing to your desires to make an emotional connection or to become involved in a romantic relationship. You are nowhere near ready to give another person what they deserve in a relationship and refraining from such action will reduce any further trauma your children may experience. A “new parent” relationship takes time and, for children at least, cannot be considered until the former relationship is put into perspective.
Volunteer to Move Out
Other divorce problems are created should you volunteer to move out of the family home. Do not move out of the house where both of you are living simply because you are getting a divorce. It will cost you more money because not only will you have to pay rent at your new location you may have to soon-to-be ex-spouse support; this applies equally to both men and women. Many people think that if they just move out of the house they don’t have to support that other household anymore. This is not so. The former residence has to be supported exactly as it was when you were living there. You have the absolute right to remain in the family home and should do so, unless there is a chance of domestic violence. While it might not be easy to live with someone you are divorcing, it might be the best decision to hold your ground, and the most cost-effective one available.
Hiding Money
The prospect of a divorce and the legal process can make you a little paranoid. Fight the temptation to hide your money away in offshore accounts or burying it in the back yard. Unless you deal exclusively in cash (and even this can be discovered) your spouse’s attorney will discover the hidden funds. Additionally, should this be discovered, it will be used against you for any other court matter. If you’re found lying about money in one instance, the court will be very likely not to not believe anything else you say about your other assets. Avoid being branded as a liar, having your credibility challenged, and be upfront about your financial situation.
Forcing Your Kids to Take Sides
Some of the biggest divorce problems are created when parents involve their children in the divorce. The last thing a parent wants to do during a divorce is to cause more pain for the children. Unfortunately, more often than not, the way a parent acts during the divorce makes things much worse for the kids than necessary. Using your children as pawns in the process will cause irreparable damage to them. Don’t force them to take sides or to prove their love to you by defying their other parent. The best thing you can do for your children during a divorce is to remind them that both of their parents love them and will always have a relationship with them.
Using Your Attorney as a Therapist
Your attorney may be knowledgeable about the law, a compassionate human being, and a good listener but, your attorney is not a trained mental health professional. You are charged for all the time you spend complaining to your lawyer about your ex-spouse or personal problems. A great deal of money is spent when you use your attorney as a sounding board.
Choose Your Battles
It makes no sense to spend $10,000 to get a marital asset worth $1,000. Time and time again, I see couples make the mistake of fighting to the bitter end about who gets a particular item that could be purchased for much less. Think about the money you’re spending and the need for the item in question.
Taking a Laissez Faire Attitude
While you don’t want to be that client who calls your attorney every day to inquire about the status of your case, you should maintain frequent contact with your attorney and know at what stage you are in your divorce. Although the courts are the most often cause of delays, you should be informed about the status of your case which will reduce your emotional turmoil.
Be Willing to Bargain
Refusing to mediate can cost you more should you not receive anything else from a trial. Although it may be difficult to sit at a conference table with your ex-spouse in an effort to hash things out civilly, you’d be remiss if you didn’t at least give it a try. You may not be able to settle all the issues in your case without a hearing before a judge, but even knocking out a few issues through mediation can save you time and money.
Demonizing Your Ex-Spouse
Not only is it in bad taste to share the gory details of your spouse’s extramarital sexual escapades with your children, it is harmful to them. When you trash a child’s parent, you trash your child at the same time. Remember, this is their one and only Mom or Dad. To hear bad things about one parent, especially from the other parent, destroys your children’s faith in a family relationship with both parents and usually affects their belief of one day starting their own family. Whereas you can divorce yourself from the relationship, your children cannot. This is their Mom or Dad for the rest of their lives. If your ex-spouse is a bad person, your children will discover it on their own.
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