Divorce does not happen overnight. Almost always, the marriage is destroyed little by little, over time. Often, when spouses encounter problems, they address the situation to avoid any serious damage. However, there are times when it may be difficult for spouses to resolve their problems. If your marriage is in serious trouble, any discussion, cooperation, or compromise may be impossible, and you may have no option but to consider a divorce.
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Addressing Marriage Problems
Marriage problems often begin as small issues which escalate as a result of other factors that come into play. Both spouses need to realize that when they are having a marriage problem, whether it’s big or small, the sooner you face facts and decide what to do about the problem, the more likely you will avoid any further fall-out. Burying your head in the sand in an attempt to avoid your marriage problems will not make the underlying issues disappear and will, most likely, make the matter worse.
Arguing and Rehashing
You may find that you and your spouse are replaying old arguments which leads to resurrecting past pain and gives rise to one or both spouses becoming consumed with anger. This type of response can quickly turn your small marriage problems into a big issues that cannot be immediately resolved. Once one spouse loses perspective, the more likely it is for them to consider divorce. Furthermore, when emotions get out of control, not only do you risk facing accusations of domestic violence but, it will be very difficult to identify the problem that created the situation. Rationality is diminished when emotions run wild and you will most likely have to face even more problems.
The Common Signs of Impending Divorce
- You believe that you spouse just can’t do anything right anymore.
- You fight constantly.
- You don’t want to resolve your marital problems.
- You’ve turned from lovers into roommates.
- You avoid contact with your spouse.
- You don’t want to talk or find it difficult to talk to your spouse.
- You see a change in your children.
The Effects of Stress
Marriage problems can trigger depression, feelings of vulnerability, of being powerlessness, foster anger, and cause sleep deprivation. A spouse suffering from any of these problems will not be able to think clearly and will most likely not make sound decisions.
Couples who are heading for divorce have usually uncoupled, or disconnected from each other. If you’re spending very little time together and it feels like a relief not to be with your spouse then, you’ve already disengaged from the marriage.
Loss of Respect
One of the most significant factors of a healthy marriage is mutual respect. The marriage becomes a “ticking bomb” that will explode into a divorce when one partner consistently feels belittled, dismissed or rejected. A marriage that has reached this point is dangerous because couples often are no longer civil and become defensive or aggressive during their interactions.
A marriage cannot exist if either spouse is no longer willing to be part of a team working together. In healthily marriage, both partners work as a team on everything from parenting to running the household to supporting each other in career and personal ambitions.
The Unfaithful Spouse
Being unfaithful includes not only the new fling but, maintaining a relationship with a former lover. Infidelity can be overcome but, what most spouses do not realize is that the “innocent” friendship may be create problems for a spouse who feels they are being deprived of time with their partner. Not only must you limit any relationship with a former lover, you cannot let new friendships interfere with your marriage.
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